OUR new Cairns councillors had a pow wow at Palm Cove this week.

It was a closed meeting in luxury surrounds, designed to teach them how to run this magnificent city.

Even though we all footed the bill, none of us had any way of knowing what they spoke about.

Thankfully one of our many council moles has come through a transcript of the meeting.

The councillors may have got away with holding secret meetings to decide on a pay rise, but they weren`t about to escape scrutiny on this one.

SCHIER: Before we get started I must say that I can`t work in these conditions.

BLAKE: What? It`s a luxury beachfront resort. It`s way better than those crappy conference rooms at the Council chambers.

SCHIER: Yes, yes it is. But this still won`t do. I`m not starting until it gets a makeover. Let`s break for lunch until this situation is resolved.

COCHRANE: But we just sat down. Don`t you think we should just get on with it? People are already peeved that we`re getting paid squillions just to cut ribbons and smile when we hand out cheques.

PYNE: We do a lot more than that Margie, don`t we? Don`t we?

LESINA: I hope not. I`m 21 and I`m Generation Y and we want everything now. And, like, whatever, we don`t do what old people tell us to do.

SCHIER: I`m the big kahuna here. And we`ll do what we have to do and we`ll do it well and, ahh, da do ron ron ron, da do ron ron.

LEU: This is getting ridiculous. We need to focus. This is supposed to be a pow wow about how to run a city. Lord knows we need it because I have no idea.

BONNEAU: Me neither.

LANSKEY: I`ve got nothin`.

SCHIER: Look. It`s clear this meeting is going nowhere and I know why. We need a room with more natural light. This room is all wrong. Da do wrong wrong.

GREGORY: I think we need to move forward. I can tell you that it`s, like, really, really hard to run a city. There are budgets and big decisions and planning nightmares to negotiate.

PYNE: Wait a minute. Isn`t that what council officers and executives are for? Aren`t they the ones with the expertise? What the hell do I know about budgets anyway?

SCHIER: I managed a budget once.

LEU: Me too.

LANSKEY: I managed a chook raffle before. Does that count?

FORSYTH: This is a joke. We should be learning something. Ratepayers are going to think we`re just up here on a junket, enjoying the luxury surrounds at their expense.

PYNE: Hello! We`re meant to enjoy the luxury surrounds at their expense. We`re politicians now! Besides, I don`t experience luxury very often. I live at Mt Sheridan.

FORSYTH: We`ve got a bigger problem on our hands than Mt Sheridan. Ratepayers are complaining that we get paid too much.

BLAKE: $100,000 a year might sound like a lot to some people, mainly because it is. But what do they expect?

LESINA: Yeah, we`re not in this just so we can volunteer at cake stalls.

SCHIER: Da do ron ron ron, da do ron ron.

LANSKEY: I`d really like to know what I`m supposed to do for the next four years.

COOPER: Yeah, me too.

COCHRANE: Look at me, ladies, look at moiye. I`ve got one word to say you: free cocktails. Now, let`s take a dip in the pool, drink some daiquiris and get this party started right. We only attend conferences every couple of weeks so we better enjoy it while we can.

SCHIER: Yes, he looked so fine...Yes, I`ll make him mine...And when he walked me home...da doo ron ron ron da doo ron ron...

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