IF you're a woman, it's probably best not to read on.

I am about to delve deep into your inner psyche and unravel the riddle responsible for your happiness, or lack thereof, as the case often is.

Ever since we crawled out of the caves and stopped carrying our women over our shoulders, the female of the species has baffled, bemused and bewildered their male counterparts.

How do you make them happy? Why do they love shopping? What can I do to watch the footy or Top Gear on TV without being hassled?

At least one answer is right under their nose - shoes.

It is well known that women love shoes, but the reasoning behind their fetish for footwear has largely remained a mystery.

Until now. Think about it. Everything else about a woman`s appearance presents a range of complications and difficulties.

Hair styles, dresses, jeans, tops. They`re either too big or too small or the wrong colour or style.

Not so with shoes. They love shoes because they don`t have to worry about what they'll look like when they're wearing them.

Have you ever heard a woman ask "do my feet look big in these?"

They can try on thousands of different pairs and they'll look good every time because they've known their shoe size since the age of 16, a consistent measurement they've relied on through thick and thin.

As an added bonus, there are a million different shoes for them to choose from, presenting endless hours of shopping opportunities.

They tell me shoe shopping is an important form of therapy, as evidenced by the main character on some TV show that women love called Sex and the City.

The main character, who worships shoes with strange names like Manolos and Jimmy Choos, is only happy when she's trying on shoes more expensive than a university education.

Coincidentally, I had coffee with a shoe-loving female on Thursday, who had just returned from a holiday with her man in Paris.

She confirmed my theory that, if you can stomach it, shopping for shoes with your better half will make her love you more, or at least give you chips to bargain with when you need something from her later.

They went shopping at the most famous department store in Paris, which has a whole godforsaken floor dedicated to shoes.

"We went to au Printemps, and I needed some white mid-heel numbers," she gushed.

"Instead of sitting in the corner looking glum and sulking, he actually helped me look for them and kept bringing back different options.

"That's when I knew I loved him."

Apart from making me dry retch, I could see that his effort and sacrifice would pay off somewhere down the track.

Short-term pain for long-term gain, that kind of thing.

Forget chocolates and flowers. I am convinced shoes are the best and fastest way to a woman's heart.

So do yourself a favour and take your woman shopping for shoes once in a while.

You can thank me later.

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