A COLOURFUL Cooktown identity hauled before the court for riding his bicycle while drunk tried to blame the town's infamous strong winds for his erratic riding.

But when the magistrate refused to accept his excuse, 69-year-old "Simmo" pleaded guilty and asked to be sent to jail so he could get a decent feed and write yarns about life behind bars.

"I told the wig, I wanted to go to Lotus Glen or Club Lotus as we call it, because my son has been in there and he was in charge of the kitchen and six months later, he was 10kg heavier," Simmo, who pens a column for the Cooktown Local News, told The Cairns Post.

"I just want to go in there to write some stories about people in prison."

Simmo was hauled before the Cooktown Magistrates’ Court after blowing 0.08 on the pedals of his two-wheeled "walking frame" after an afternoon stint at the pub on Melbourne Cup day.

"I was going home from the pub, which I have been doing for 42 years, and I walked up the hill because it was too steep," he said.

"I got back on my bike to go down the hill and I must have gone about 6m when I got pulled over for driving erratically.

"But it was the Cooktown winds.

"I was riding into them, and it was them that was making me ride all over the place."

Simmo was fined $180, but has refused to pay the penalty, saying authorities will have to lock him up instead.

"Bugger them, I am not going to pay it," he said.

Simmo was given a ticket in 1965 for the same offence, but denies he was guilty that time.

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