ONE week after it kicked off in Johannesburg's Soccer City Stadium, the World Cup has been defined by one word above all others, writes Simon Crerar.
Vuvuzela.
Until a week ago, I had never heard of this 60cm long African hunting horn, now the biggest threat to The Beautiful Game since 1980s hooliganism.
When I flicked on my television for the tournament's opening fixture, an intense monotonous drone assaulted my senses, drowning out commentators and crowd.
At first I assumed there must be something wrong with SBS's broadcast. I spent the first 10 minutes of the match frantically adjusting my TV's volume settings. Apart from turning it off, the only solution appeared to be standing at the other end of the room.
The 90,000 fans at the game seemed to be having fun, but what about the millions watching?
I am a fanatical football fan, not a fan of low, atonal drowning. And it seems I am not alone.
Online, vuvuzela quickly became the most discussed topic on Twitter. Within days, websites and Facebook groups spread like vuvuzela spittle, most calling for the instrument to be banned.
Now, you can buy an authentic vuvuzela direct from South Africa, blow a virtual horn or learn how to silence them with an EQ filter (don't waste your money). You can even listen to vuvuzela.fm, an online station playing the sound non-stop. And if you have an iPhone you can choose one of 15 apps, all turning it into a virtual vuvuzela.
The real vuvuzela can create a loud monotone of up to 127 decibels.
Some say the trumpet brings an authentically African vibe to the spectator experience.
So what if it's a cultural icon in South Africa? I am Scottish, so know a few things about strangled cats and other unbearable national instruments.
World Cup commentators have been united in their distaste for the sound, comparing it with stampedes of noisy elephants.
The players can't hear themselves think, let alone hear each other or their coach. Supporters who have saved for years to be there can't make their songs heard above the drone. The wonderful atmosphere I've spent four years looking forward to has been ruined. By a plastic trumpet.
Lionel Messi, the Argentine World Player of the Year, complained that the sound hampered communication on the pitch, saying "it's like being deaf".
Now the tournament is under way, a ban seems unlikely. FIFA boss Sepp Blatter said: "I have always said that Africa has a different rhythm, a different sound. I don't see banning the music traditions of fans in their own country.’’
Perhaps, as the tournament progresses, fans will get bored of blowing.
We can only hope so.
